Sometimes it is just so freaking crazy how things change, how friendships shape, how time passes, people differ, paths that you didn’t even know that exist take course. How everything suddenly just doesn’t make sense anymore, how you and me have changed. How our fears, our wishes just become true. How I always thought of how crazy it would be to be separated from my closest friends because of the university course would be awful… Yeah now I’m in another city, whaat… At first I thought that much would not change and it didn’t really… but it is still really weird how much it takes to stay close to the ones that don’t share the same routine as you. Not that they were only colleagues, but how everything takes so much time that you might never get to know them very well. Because reality. Yeah that is it.
I miss some people, some of them which I wish I had known better. But in order to make it, I don’t know what it is necessary or how it would be possible. It is just as if I wanted to be everywhere doing everything, but instead I’m here writing. Thinking out loud. Ah I just don’t know I miss so many things and at the same time there are so many other things that now are possible to me that it just drives me crazy. What actually almost doesn’t make sense. Complaining about the amount of possibilities, who would ever do that? Haha.
I miss and it is okay to miss. I guess it is just natural. A few years ago I thought I was on the top of the world and maybe for that only second I was, now everything about that perfection seems so out of place, so meaningless, so unachievable… That I rather not talk about it. While it is good that this reality reveals itself now (in order that we seek a better identity than trying to be just good at school), like every other identity issue it brings its problems, as if during all my life everything I did was to be good at school, what the hell am I going to do now? Now that I just can’t figure out an easy and reliable way of doing it so?
I don’t know, but I guess that just being yourself it is okay.